Liberated, New Word, and New Pic for 2009

First and foremost I feel free and liberated today. I returned to work on December 26 and have been on call during all my hours not at work since then. My on call ended at 8 AM this morning. It's not really how many calls that make it so taxing, it's all the evaluations of does this constitute child abuse or does it not---the decision-making takes its toll. I basically set myself up in our den, did not go anywhere since the 26th, just sat by my phone and waited. Today when I could go out today without it, I felt very liberated. Now, I'm just a little tired and backed up on all the stuff that did not get done this past week, but plan to fall asleep watching a movie today and go to bed early! (Exciting life I have!)

Secondly, I am choosing PEACE for my word for 2009. For me PEACE means the end of man's inhumanity to man on a global front (and no, I am not in contention for Miss America or any other such event!), and finding PEACE in my soul no matter what the circumstances are on a personal level. I hope to make a scrapbook this year exploring all the ways I find to bring peace to my soul and my heart.

Thirdly, I am posting a new picture which was taken this past December. It's been so long that I haven't had hair that the old picture seems like it was taken light years ago instead of last April. I have lots of hair now and lots of curls---I tried to calm those down a bit with the hat. There is a nostalgic feel for the hat I'm wearing as I wore it alot last winter when the cranium was bare.

Lastly, it was my very good fortune to connect to two women, Victoria and Sandee, at the Ovarian Cancer Conference in September. Since then we have become friends and have formed our own little support network. We go out to eat once a month, and celebrated December by having our nails done, too. For January we are planning a day at the spa together to celebrate the end of our chemotherapy. For Vicki and I, it will be one year. For Sandee it will be two years. Here is a picture from our December get together. In case you're wondering what we are doing with our hands, we are NOT groping Lady Liberty (w/a hamburger), we are trying to show off our nails.

And, lastly (Did I already say that? Now I mean absolutely lastly) I will miss seeing my Ames Area Scrapbooking friends tonight at the monthly get together. My energy level is down so I won't be joining you. Wishing you lots of fun and I will look forward to seeing you and everyone else at the February retreat!

I wish everyone the best of New Years! PEACE for your families and yourselves, health, and lots and lots of joy!

OK, So What's in a # Anyway?

It's the funniest thing. 17 months ago I could not have even told you what a CA 125 test was. Now, it seems this little number has the power to some months make me feel like I'm walking on air, and other months not-so-much. My latest test at 19 is the highest I've had in over a year. I have to wait four weeks to do another monthly test and at the point a decision will be made as to whether there is an upward trend. I have to keep reminding myself that I just had a clear CT scan, I feel fine, and in the bigger scheme this is not a huge change. Still.... the mind has the ability to take over and become obsessive at times. I have to remind myself that I am not going to let this number take over me or my mind. This past month I've had a skin cancer body scan, a mammogram, and a meeting with my gynocologist/oncologist. Everything was good, so what's with this pesky number. I guess I'll have to wait until next month to find out. In the mean time I plan to devote some time to my art work, scrapbooking, organizing photos etc. ---the most therapeutic activities known to me. Onward.

Doing It All

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

The following were added by Janet:

Worn two different colored shoes (did this w/socks not shoes)
Worn your shirt inside out
Called someone by the wrong name
Driven the wrong way on a one-way street
Driven on a “buses only” street
Thought about stealing a cat
Actually stolen a cat
Assisted with a hemorrhoidectomy
Got lost going someplace you’ve been before
Eaten frosting straight from the plastic tub
Dropped your driver’s license into the toilet

OK this list was fun to do. The items in bold are things I have done. I re-ceived the list from Cheri. Though scrapbooking is my favorite way to spend my leisure time, I am glad that some of the memories of the above activities are captured in my mind and that there isn't a picture around somewhere to horrify me or my children. Now, the things that I have not done, this gives me pause, and there certainly some things on this list that I would like to do.

November Musings

This past Saturday was Adoption Saturday at the Polk County Courthouse. 37 children were welded to their permanent families. I sat in on a couple of my worker's adoptions, a fifteen year old boy, a seventeen year old girl. To say that I was moved by the leap of faith displayed by both the families and the children would be a gross understatement. How do you learn to trust when time after time the people who were supposed to be there for you were not? Also, no one from DHS was on the agenda for speaking so I was asked on Friday if I could say a few words. I did, the words came fairly easily because they came from my heart. I am so blessed to work in the midst of the dedicated souls who make up the Adoption Unit and am awed constantly by the amazing children and families I have met during the course of my job duties. Thank you---you truly inspire me.

This is a little, tiny, small thing but I really enjoyed filling up my gas tank on my Sienna Van the other day and getting half a tank for around $16. Can you believe it? I think the price per gallon was $1.72. Amazing, I really do think there is something pretty crazy about a system where a barrel of oil can vacillate from $140 to $60 within 6 months. But I drove away with a smile. Hmmmmm.......the open road beckons.....











Here is a layout I completed recently. My friend, Colleen and several other friends from DHS went to the Obama rally held here in Des Moines just a few days before the election. Simon Estes sang the Star Bangled Banner. Does life get any better?











My heart goes out to my dear friend, Dot, who lost her mother this week. I was so honored to have had the opportunity to meet Mary Virginia, the family matriarch, last Fall. I wish peace to the family as they weep, remember, share, and celebrate the life of their mother.

Lifetime Movies

The Lifetime Channel is showing movies of women with cancer this week end. One of my favorite movies was just on........"Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy". It's based on a true story and I loved this movie even before I found out I had cancer. Sarah Chalke does an excellent job portraying the roller coaster of emotions that are all part of the diagnosis, coming to terms with the diagnosis, going through surgery, recovery and the post operative treatment. For her wearing red lipstick to surgery was a form of courage, a statement that cancer was not going to vanquish her spirit. I also love the line about "I am the sky, nothing, not even cancer can stick to me". The movie gives me hope, brings a smile to my face, and I am reminded that cancer has given me new opportunities to reflect on what really matters to me. With the help of a friend, I found this movie on Ebay last year---now I can watch it whenever I need to rekindle my hope.

TAGGED?!?

I guess I've been tagged and I'm not sure I completely understand the process, but I think it requires that I post again after almost a 1 month absence.

I devoted my September blog to recognizing and thanking those people whose support and love were definitely a healing agent for me in the past year. The problem is I have many more people that I would like to acknowledge so I guess I will devote November's blog to this same purpose. In the meantime I'll try to comply with the rules of the "tag".

1. My first job after I graduated from Iowa State University was being the "Key Lady" for the entire University. Literally, I handed out and had in my possession at work and key for every lock on campus.

2. I have run a marathon-the Drake Marathon. It was a goal I set for myself while going through a divorce. I thought it would keep me from drinking heavily. It did. I was too danged tired after all the training runs. After completing the run, I did immediately think, "This is good, I finished, now I never have to do this again." I actually did quite well finishing in 3 hours 54 minutes, I was the 13th woman out of 26 women. The top 10 women received medals, so I didn't quite get that but still achieved my goal.

3. John and I started on our journey as parents later in our lives than most people, but I am so glad that this is a part of our journey. Even though I now never have money, John and I don't take exotic vacations anymore, I still wouldn't trade this for much, much more money.

4. I love soccer. I never played it or watched it before my kids started playing it. Both played on Menace Select teams for several years and I LOVED every minute of it. The traveling to tournaments, the hanging out with the other parents, the smell of the grass on a nice spring day, the athleticism required to play the game. I really enjoy watching the game of soccer, whether it's my kids or a game on TV, and was overjoyed when the women won a gold medal at the recent Olympics. I hope to catch some MLS games live in my retirement years.

5. I have worked for the Iowa Department of Human Services for 25 years. How did this happen? I was a somewhat young person when I started. Now, look at me!! Although DHS is often under attack for things we either did or didn't do, I am proud to work for this agency. I would not have been able to stay, were it for the exceptional people that I work with. At this point I supervise the Adoption Unit for the Des Moines Service Area and am passionate about achieving better outcomes for our youth.

6. I LOVE Colleen Reinhardt and miss her so much. She had the nerve to be born before me, meaning that she was able to retire this past June and no longer sits next door to me. Colleen has that rare infectious laugh, that sometimes evolves into a snort, but nevertheless brings a smile to everyone around her hearing the melody of her laughter. We were always able to find humor in almost everything which is a good thing if you work at DHS. I'm not meaning to make light of the mission of DHS, but I am saying that working at such a job does require that you NOT lose your sense of humor or your ability to carry on will be diminished.

My Bros

To Mark and Norin, my favorite and most dear brothers.

Mark---Thank God, I figured out years ago that I was never going to come out on top if I was in a competition with you. That gave me permission to quit trying and to find other things I could do well. I still remember the only time I ever won the Ransom County Spelling Championship when we lived in Lisbon, was after you had moved on to Junior High and couldn't compete against me! Since Erik left Drake I miss your Fall visits to IA. I know that it has to consume a lot of your time and energy keeping up with all the young adults you and Jana have between the two of you. We have had many fun family times together over the years. I hope that we can keep finding ways to get together at least once a year and include as many kids in that gathering as possible. I have really enjoyed getting to know your kids as young adults----they are interesting, intelligent, socially conscious people who are a pleasure to be around.

Norin----First of all, I'm glad that you and Robin and the dogs survived Ike. It was very reassuring to talk to you this morning and to hear it from you that you really are OK. Norin, you were the first little kid that I ever really liked and enjoyed. I would get as excited when you learned to do something new as Mom did. I loved teaching you the words to identify flora and fauna when I took you to the park to swing. I'm sure you were a quick learner, but I was pretty positive I was a good teacher back then, too! So the next time you identify and tree or weed in the wild, think of me! Thank you for checking up on me this past year, all of the family support was really vital when trying to stay positive and hopeful. You have been a great little bro and it's hard to believe my little bro is now 50 like the rest of us. I enjoyed our time together in ND this summer, even though it was sad about Uncle Don's passing.